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The three pie charts give information about the annual fruit production of ("apples, oranges and bananas") apple, orange and banana, in four terms in 2010.

 

To begin with, during 2010, the highly sold fruit was (""apple"") apple in the third term; however, it (?) consisted in indicating the smallest proportion in the beginning of the year. Meanwhile, the sale of the oranges was consistently higher in the end of the year, but the starting quarter was quite fortunate for the purchase of bananas.

 

Furthermore, in the second quarter the proportion of all ("fruit") fruit’s sales was almost equal, except for the bananas (27.4 million tones, 26 million tones and 22 million tons") 27,4 millions of tones; 26 millions of tones and 22 millions of tones respectively), whereas in contrast there was ("a") radically different quantity of sales in other periods of the year. In fact, (""apple"") apple was the least popular fruit, ("which") accounted for 20, (?) 4 millions of tones, (?) in the end of the second half of the year, the oranges and bananas were sold in a much larger scale, ("and") constituted the proportions of two out of five and a third respectively.

 

Interestingly, the ("sales") sale process (no "was") was revealed ("a") greatly distinctive number in different terms. ("-") that is to say the fruit production showed ("a") different amount of ("sales") sale in four quarters.

 


 

This is quite a low level essay - there are varios grammar mistakes and some of it is not easy to understand. You also begin some sentences with basic words, such as "The" and "To" etc. You also repeat some words a lot, like the word "the" 25 times, which is over 10% of the essay. 

 

On the positive side, you have some complexity to the writing.

 

Next time,try to do the following:

 

1. Focus on grammar.

2. Make each first word of a setnence complex.

3. Try to make synonyms etc..

4. Check more.

5. Ues this tool: "http://www.onlineenglishteacher.org/study-topics/ielts/useful-ielts-tools/ielts-text-analyser#newText2".

 
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